I Forgot

How could I?

The realisation hit me last night, and I feel floored. Our little angel would have been 2 this week, and I forgot. There is no excuse.

Losing that baby was the worst thing to ever happen to me, to us. We were broken for so long. Then in July of last year our miracle rainbow girl came along and saved us. But until this week I’ve never forgotten about our angel. I feel horrible realising what I’ve done. If it was someone else saying this I’d be telling them to not to be so hard on themselves, but this is me, queen of being too hard on myself.

So, I’ve had major anxiety since I realised. My stomach is in knots, that awful unsettled feeling that won’t go away. I couldn’t sleep last night. My mind was working on overdrive, so today I feel like utter shit. I feel sick. Not like normal nausea, but that guilt ridden, anxiety sickness that hasn’t been around in quite some time.

I could quite easily sit and stare into space, as long as I don’t have to do anything or move. I have no energy. I’ve gone from 100 to 0. I’m sure this is just a blip but god it’s horrid.

Hoping tomorrow is a more positive, and less anxious day.

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Nutri Advanced 30 Day Energy Boost Programme – Outcome

Just over one month ago, I started a 30 day programme to work on improving my energy levels with Nutri Advanced. I was so desperate for any kind of help to give me some sort of energy that I had very high expectations of undertaking the programme.

Let’s be honest, there’s no quick fix. However, I have to say I do feel better. Looking back on my first post, I am happy to say I’ve pretty much stuck to all of the principles of the programme, and felt the benefits. I still need to drink more water though! As a reminder the 5 principles of the programme are:

  • Reduce caffeine and alcohol intake by half
  • Set a consistent going to bed and waking routine
  • Aim to do 30 minutes of exercise 3 times per week
  • Take MegaMag Energen Plus daily
  • Follow the Top 5 Food Tips and stick to energy-increasing foods

At the start of the programme, I completed the health symptoms questionnaire. This involved rating my symptoms from 0-4 (0 being never and 4 being frequent) based on my typical health over the last month. My total score on day 1 was 121, and that wasn’t good! Unsurprisingly my worst score was for energy. The very good news is that after 30 days of following the programme I completed the questionnaire again and scored 56, and the energy score had decreased from 42 to 16. I’m really pleased with this especially as I had completely forgotten what my first score was, so there was no way I could cheat!

My aim is to continue to stick to the 5 principles of the programme, and introduce more exercise into my daily routine. I also might just make another batch of that delicious peanut butter granola too.

I want to say a big thank you to Nutri Advanced for including me in this energy boost programme. A great way to end the year!

Nutri Advanced 30 Day Energy Boost Programme – Part 2

I am half way through my 30 day energy boost programme, so wanted to update you on my progress. In my first post, I explained the 5 essential principles I have to stick to during the programme, which are:

  • Reduce caffeine and alcohol intake by half
  • Set a consistent going to bed and waking routine
  • Aim to do 30 minutes of exercise 3 times per week
  • Take MegaMag Energen Plus daily
  • Follow the Top 5 Food Tips and stick to energy-increasing foods

I am happy to report that I have stuck to these principles for the last 2 weeks! Reducing caffeine hasn’t been that much of a problem as I was already used to drinking decaf tea. I’m not much of an alcohol drinker, so that hasn’t been difficult to reduce. I tend to go to bed not long after my daughter, who is 4 months old, and wake up when she does so that’s pretty consistent. I take her out for a walk every day for at least 30 minutes, so am managing the exercise. I’m obviously taking the MegaMag Energen Plus every day, more info on that to follow. I have also increased my intake of energy inducing foods. Again, more info on that shortly.

The MegaMag Energen Plus is a powder formula that mixes with water and is very easy to make and drink! It is raspberry flavoured and the powder dissolves easily with water.

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I do feel as though my energy levels are starting to increase and becoming more consistent, which is a definite plus for me. Someone even commented the other day that I looked better and seemed to have more energy, which is definitely not something I hear a lot at the moment!
In terms of energy boosting foods, I am currently addicted to peanut butter on pretty much everything. There was a recipe in the booklet I received for a homemade peanut butter granola, so I had to try that. The lovely people at Nutri Advanced sent me all of the ingredients, so I really had no excuse!

Thankfully it’s a very easy recipe and the whole process took less than 30 minutes.

It’s not the most exciting photo in the world, but I wish you could smell and taste it. The massive downside to this recipe is that you will want to eat ALL OF IT in one go! It goes really well with some greek yoghurt and banana.
So, that’s where I’m up to. I have 2 more weeks to go until the end of the programme, but I know already that I want to stick with the MegaMag Energen Plus. It’s such a quick way to get my intake of certain nutrients that I have clearly been lacking.
You can follow me on Twitter for quick updates, and I’ll write another review in a couple of weeks!

 

Self care as a new Mum

Before my beautiful little rainbow girl arrived at the end of July, I took a lot of little things for granted. For instance:

  • A hot shower. I know, mad right! But OMG it is hard to find the time, plus the Mum guilt! I cannot even begin to tell you how bad that is! If I leave her for even five minutes I feel bad, but she’s either with her Daddy or her Grandma, so why do I worry?! Anyway, back to the list.
  • Manicures! Oh I miss my lovely, sparkly nails. They have been replaced by chewed stumps. I’m not over exaggerating. They’re a mess!
  • A lie in. OK, I knew that one would go, and I hadn’t had a proper night’s sleep in months, due to feeling like a beached whale, but the sleep deprivation is probably the hardest one to get used to.
  • A hot drink. Once that beautiful bundle is in your arms, you don’t want to put them down, so if someone does make you a hot drink then chances are it will be lukewarm at best by the time you get around to drinking it.

The above might seem trivial, but the message behind it isn’t. Becoming a parent is the best thing that’s ever happened to me, but it’s also the hardest. I wouldn’t change it for anything, but I have realised the importance of looking after yourself. It is far too easy to keep pushing yourself to keep going and going, but that’s only going to end one way, badly. You have to give yourself a break, even if it’s just ten minutes to have that hot shower. You will feel so much better afterwards.

I think one of the best things you can do for yourself is talk to someone if you’re struggling. I have a few friends who had babies around the same time, and being able to tell them all of my neurotic worries always helps as they’ve usually had the same ones. I still have lots of freak outs about whether I’m doing things right, but when I manage to think logically for more than ten seconds I realise I am.

At times it can feel incredibly lonely as a new parent, but there is such a huge network of people out there willing to listen and help, including me, so remember you are NOT alone, and you CAN do this.

 

 

I’m a Mum!

Well hello! I bet you’d forgotten about me, hadn’t you! I am sorry it’s been so long since I last wrote anything, but there’s a very good reason for that. Say hello to my beautiful daughter, Niamh Esmee Iris Campion.

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Niamh is Irish and pronounced like Eve but starts with an N. It means bright/beautiful/radiant. Esmee is French and means loved, and Iris was the goddess of the rainbow in Greek mythology. My family are Irish, my husband’s surname has French origins and she is our rainbow baby, so all 3 names are very fitting.

I honestly didn’t think the day would ever come that I would be able to write ‘my daughter’. It’s all still very surreal, in the most wonderful way.

I only wrote one post during my pregnancy. To be completely honest I was terrified I would have another miscarriage, so even the thought of writing about being pregnant felt like I would be tempting fate. Because of this, and my ever increasing anxiety, I didn’t enjoy being pregnant. I wanted to, but I also just wanted her to be OK, to be safe, healthy, and to survive. Add to that a not very empathetic consultant, and by the last month I was in a real state.

In the end it was decided that a Caesarian Section was the best option. I cannot say enough positive things about the delivery team in theatre. They really were wonderful and looked after us both so, so well. To anyone who thinks a C-Section is the ‘easy way’, and I’ve heard that more than once, let me tell you it really isn’t. I could write a lot about this, but it will only annoy me, and I want this to be a happy post.

So, I’m a Mum! It’s the hardest ‘job’ I’ve ever done, but the one I wanted more than anything. The hours are long, the pay is quite frankly criminal, but the rewards, well, they’re just everything. When she smiles at me I feel as though my heart might burst. I never thought I would be proud of someone for burping, but she does it with such style!

I haven’t found it easy adjusting to becoming a Mum. If I said I never thought beyond being pregnant to what it would actually be like when we brought her home from the hospital, would you judge me? Well, it’s true. For 9 months I simply willed my body to keep her safe, and so having her here with us has been amazing and completely terrifying. For the first few nights we just watched her sleep, mainly to make sure she was alive, but also to try and take in this beautiful little person that we made. She is the best thing to ever happen to us and we are so besotted with her. How I’ll ever do anything productive ever again I do not know, other than looking after her obviously!

So, I am back now, but please bear with me while I enjoy my time with my most precious girl.

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