I Forgot

How could I?

The realisation hit me last night, and I feel floored. Our little angel would have been 2 this week, and I forgot. There is no excuse.

Losing that baby was the worst thing to ever happen to me, to us. We were broken for so long. Then in July of last year our miracle rainbow girl came along and saved us. But until this week I’ve never forgotten about our angel. I feel horrible realising what I’ve done. If it was someone else saying this I’d be telling them to not to be so hard on themselves, but this is me, queen of being too hard on myself.

So, I’ve had major anxiety since I realised. My stomach is in knots, that awful unsettled feeling that won’t go away. I couldn’t sleep last night. My mind was working on overdrive, so today I feel like utter shit. I feel sick. Not like normal nausea, but that guilt ridden, anxiety sickness that hasn’t been around in quite some time.

I could quite easily sit and stare into space, as long as I don’t have to do anything or move. I have no energy. I’ve gone from 100 to 0. I’m sure this is just a blip but god it’s horrid.

Hoping tomorrow is a more positive, and less anxious day.

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2 thoughts on “I Forgot

  1. Moving on and healing from pain should never make you feel guilty or like a failure; to remember someone is not to consign yourself to a lifetime of heartbreaking sorrow by default.

    Liked by 1 person

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