Late Night Wondering

I’m currently still suffering the effects of last night, so not sure this is the best time to write a blog post, but here I am! As I’m also feeling slightly nostalgic, and hungry(!), this could go anywhere so bear with me..

When I first started writing this blog I was doing it purely to keep me on track with a new healthy lifestyle choice. Little did I know what was in store for me, in more ways than one. Life really does like to chuck surprises and obstacles in your path, doesn’t it!

In just 3 1/2 years I have worked with a personal trainer and lost weight, gained new friends, new found confidence and a husband! However I’ve also gained weight, lost my confidence, had a miscarriage and redeveloped anxiety. Do you call that 50/50?

When I used to hear people say experiences change you I didn’t really understand what they mean. I feel like I could write a book on it now! We all go through tough times, and we all deal with them differently, which is completely normal, and human. It just feels like the worst or best thing ever when it’s happening to you. Pretty much everyone you meet is dealing with something in their own way, and you most probably won’t ever know about it, which is why kindness is so important, in fact I’d go as far to say it’s vital. You never know when by simply smiling at someone you could change their whole day for the better. Let’s face it, who doesn’t love to see someone smiling at them?

Going through really sad situations definitely makes me appreciate the good times. I know this could sound really cliche, but I’m not sure how else to say it, as it’s what I now believe. It’s so easy to be stuck in the negative cycle and feel as though there’s no way out. But there is. There’s always some sort of hope, even if it feels like there isn’t.

I have never really planned how I want my life to go. I’m very good at planning other people’s lives, but more of a dreamer when it comes to my own. I mean you never know, Tom Hardy might turn up one day and offer to buy me a glass or three of Prosecco (I wish!), but for now I’m happy to daydream about getting our own house and making it a home. If I’ve learned anything in the past few years, it’s to try and not worry too much about things I can’t control (not easy for a control freak, perfectionist, anxiety suffering, emotional Piscean).

You know I said at the start of this that I wasn’t sure where it was going to go? Yeah, bit stuck now.

I sometimes feel as though I’m on hold, waiting for something but unsure of what that ‘thing’ is. Does that make any sense? It’s like being a metaphorical actor and waiting for someone to hand you the script for the next scene, only there’s no script or scene because this is my life, and that’s why I’m stuck. If I was in a particularly cheesy mood I’d say something like ‘it’s my life so only I can write the script’, but that would be really pathetic.

So for now, I know things are nowhere near on track, and I know I get frustrated a lot, but that’s OK, I think. I guess ‘watch this space’, and encourage me to have patience!

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