I’ve been dreading this weekend for some time, probably for about 7 months. The reason why is because this weekend should have been my due date.
Unfortunately, I had a miscarriage last July, so rather than waddling around with what I guess would be a lovely large bump, I am instead working on keeping my horrendous anxiety under control and trying to accept what happened. Not an easy task.
Throughout the last 7 months I have panicked about this weekend wondering what kind of state I would be in, and just how I would get through it. At the moment I am sad but I am trying to keep it together. I don’t want to sit here and cry. I will never, ever forget what happened, how could I? Yet my mind would like to get through this and then try to see forwards, get out of this pit of despair and look for some light in what has felt like a crippling, never-ending darkness.
I know my posts have been very up and down for the last few months, and I hope you can understand why. Sharing this extremely personal and heartbreaking situation hasn’t been easy, but I have received so many lovely messages of support from people and know and plenty I don’t, and I want to thank you for them. You might not realise it but by sharing your stories with me you have helped, probably more than you can ever know. I have found comfort in places I didn’t know I could. I have learned that it is OK to open up, to share what many feel too sad/ashamed/heartbroken to talk about. I hope that I have shown that there is support out there for you if you are in the same situation. I also hope you know that you can send me a message if you need help on this heartbreaking subject. I am by no means an expert, but I can listen, and sometimes that is all you need.