So it’s Friday afternoon and that’s a good thing, but I’m not having a good week. In fact to be totally honest with you I have really struggled this week, with everything. It’s felt as though one day has been OK but the next I’ve fallen apart. I’ve spoken to a friend about this and why I’m feeling this way, and I guess the answer is I’m grieving. I just hadn’t even considered that and I know that’s silly now.
I feel quite lost with everything and all I really want to do is move forward, and feel like me again. Yes that’s completely naive, but it’s also the less painful route, and who doesn’t want that.
So what to do now? I don’t know. All the cliches I guess: take one day at a time, cry if I need to, talk to people about what’s going on, allow myself time. But right now I just want to scream! I’m just too tired to even do that. I know there are stages of grief, but I think I never considered what I’m going through as being grief, so I’m starting from the very beginning with it all.
I think the whole point of this post is to say, as hard as it is for me, I’m admitting that I’m not coping. I have become almost expert at putting on the happy face, but right now my apparent acting skills have left the building and all that’s left is the sadness and pain that just won’t go away.
I’d happily accept any suggestions on what to do to get through this.