I’ve always seen writing as an outlet, a way to get down thoughts and feelings that would otherwise stay locked away. Since I started this blog 2 years ago, I always vowed to be honest about everything, but there are certain times when I’ve really struggled with this. As you can probably see from the glaring lack of posts over the past few months, I have not been writing about what’s been happening. But that’s about to change, so settle in with a cuppa and be prepared for a bit of an emotional roller coaster…
As you may know if you’ve read any of my older posts, I have PCOS, and was told from a young age it would be very difficult for me to get pregnant, not impossible, but difficult. So I just eventually accepted things wouldn’t be straightforward.
Fast forward to June this year and I found out I WAS pregnant. Massive shock, mega surprise. I was absolutely not expecting the news, but was ecstatic. I hadn’t felt well for a few weeks so in a way it explained why. But I continued to feel unwell, and not in the ‘normal’ pregnancy way of having morning sickness and tiredness. I ended up going to hospital due to the pain I was having and they were fantastic at advising me on what to do. I went back three times for scans to see how things were progressing. Unfortunately the third scan (which took place on 7th July) confirmed the worst news, there was no heartbeat. This is known as a missed miscarriage. I was heartbroken, still am.
I went into hospital on 13th July for a surgical procedure. Once I was home I was extremely naive about how I would feel. For the first few days I suppose I was just a bit numb. General anaesthetic is good for giving you a bit of a mind wipe, unfortunately it isn’t permanent. I fell apart.
I have gone back and forth for weeks on whether or not to write this. Due to the sensitivity of the subject I think people shy away from talking out, and understandably so, yet for some mad reason I decided I would share my experience.
I do hope that writing this may help at least one person, or possibly just show that the subject does not need to be seen as taboo any longer.
I have also posted an article on Huffington Post UK Lifestyle. If you think it could help someone then please do share.
I’d be more than happy to talk to you if you have any questions.