Hello everyone! Hope you’re all well.
So, I’ve been thinking a lot recently about how much certain aspects of my life have changed in ways I never would have expected, and how the parts I thought would be the most straightforward really haven’t been!
If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you’ll know the main reason I started it was to chart my progress while taking on a pretty huge challenge. Here’s a bit of a flashback/catch up for you: The First Two Months
I guess initially I thought I was ‘just’ trying to lose weight. Like it’s that easy(!) Little did I know just how much of this experience was mental, and by that I mean emotions/thoughts/feelings, not ‘crazy mental’.
Does the above quote sound familiar? I’m often told how ‘confident’ I am, which almost always astounds me as I hardly ever feel that way. Maybe I should have been an actress…
Anyway, as I’ve mentioned maybe just a few times…I have PCOS. This, for me, comes with a whole host of issues. Although there are many physical symptoms related to PCOS, and I suffer with a fair number, I don’t think the mental/emotional ones are discussed enough.
I’d just like to point out that plenty of people who take on any kind of challenge (not just those ladies with PCOS) struggle with the emotional side just as much as the physical. For me, the last (almost) two years has taught me so much about myself, not all of it good, but I feel as though I’m finally learning to understand Clare. I have worked damn hard to do the right thing, to follow the rules, etc. for as long as I can remember. Well now I’m working on doing the things that will benefit me. I’m being selfish for once.
I am no longer ashamed to admit I suffer with PCOS, or that I have horribly low self-esteem. I’m even proud to share the fact that I’ve completed a course of CBT. I actually think having CBT is one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself. I really did learn a lot about myself and how I’m actually pretty cool! OK, maybe that’s the wrong word but it’s certainly helped me to start to like myself more.
So, after almost two years I definitely feel as though I have made some big steps forward. However, the weight loss is still very much as issue, but I’m finally realising that it’s just one part of this experience for me. Yes it’s important to be a healthy weight, I would never dispute that. But, feeling mentally well is such an eye opener for me, and makes me realise that I can now finally dedicate my time to getting fit and losing fat.
I joined a gym last month so that I can train a few times a week when I’m not being annihilated by my personal trainer, Chris Main. The aim now is to get into a proper routine of training at least 3 – 4 times per week, one of those with Chris and the others in the gym. I have to make training as much of a habit as eating, and by eating I mean healthy, clean food of course!
I’ve realised I get a big high from exercising and I really need to remember that, especially on the bad days when I don’t want to get out of bed. It really is a balance of mental and physical strength. I don’t think you can have one without the other.