Hello everyone. I hope you are well.
I’ve had an interesting few weeks, but what I really want to write about today is how much we all talk without actually saying how we honestly feel.
Women are renowned for being ‘big talkers’, but how much of the contents is the 100% truth?
The usual response we all give to ‘how are we?’ is ‘I’m fine’.
But how ‘fine’ are we really?
How many of us say that out of politeness/fear that the other person isn’t actually interested in the real answer/a lack of energy to address the reality?
I know I’m bad at saying how I feel, or at least I was until I started CBT.
I still struggle to be open about certain things, but I’m much better at it than I was six months ago. One of the reasons I struggled so much was due to my ridiculously preconceived notion that by talking about myself, I was being self-indulgent. When I mentioned this to my therapist he was almost shocked. Even now, although I know he’s right when he says I shouldn’t be so hard on myself, I do still have an issue with telling the full version of how I feel rather than the summary of ‘fine’. It’s an ingrained response, yet one that we all willingly accept and tend to not push further.
Do you agree with this quote?
It makes a lot of sense to me. It’s almost like poisoning your mind by keeping the toxic thoughts in.
Does that make sense?
Yes, it’s hard to say those deepest, darkest worries out loud, but the alternative (at least in my experience) is that the worry takes over and almost feels as though it is consuming you. What might be a small issue can become a tornado of stress and panic, all in the space of a very short time.
And, that’s where this little beauty of a photo comes in!
So, about six months ago I had what I thought was the beginning of a breakdown. It turns out that it was delayed shock to a break in, but it took about three months for me to realise that. Cue a week off work and a complete inability to think logically or go a few hours without crying, plus complete episodes of sheer panic where I couldn’t breathe normally, and you kind of get the picture.
At the time I struggled to explain this to anyone, as I honestly thought I was starting to lose my mind. Thanks to my fantastic therapist and a few very close friends, I realised that I was suffering with extreme anxiety. Thankfully it settled down, with the help of some medication and more talking. What I now realise, and I find incredibly sad, is more and more young women are being diagnosed with anxiety. I’m sure there are plenty of men who suffer with anxiety too, and I’m certainly not ignoring that.
It’s a double edged sword really. To find out you aren’t the only one going through this and that someone else has suffered with similar symptoms is a relief, yet I hate to hear how common it is.
Here are just a few questions this brings to mind, for me:
- What is causing so many women to be anxious?
- Is it that it’s always be common but not talked about so much?
- Or is it something in our lives now that wasn’t present before that is causing this debilitating condition?
- Do women not make enough time for each other, let alone themselves?
- Are we all just in competition?
- Why is that?
Perhaps we just need a new perspective, something to focus on to take our minds in a more ‘healthy’ direction. Something like this?
I’m the first to admit that these kind of ‘insprational’ statements can seem quite cheesy, but maybe that’s because we just aren’t used to them. In fact, we are constantly bombarded with negative quotes, negative images, which instil themselves in our psyche and no doubt cause long-lasting problems.
So, ladies, can I please suggest that we all try to be kinder to ourselves (and yes, this includes me!)
As of today, why not try one, or all, of the following:
- Let’s make a pledge, to try and be positive about ourselves every day, even for just five minutes.
- Let’s try surrounding ourselves with some cheesy sayings and quotes (see the pink below…)
- Let’s be more open
- Let’s ban the words ‘I’m fine’!!
I hope this doesn’t come across as condescending or patronising.
My aim is to help us all see that we all go through some kind of tough times, but that doesn’t make us any less of a person. A bad situation doesn’t make you who you are, the way you deal with it does.
So scream if you want to, cry until your nose runs, laugh until your sides ache. Just know that we all deal with situations differently, but the point is we deal with them.
You are all unique, and fantastic!