Friday 1st August – Success vs Failure

Happy 1st August everyone! Where is the year going?!

So I had another CBT session this week, and we talked about my extreme definitions of success and failure. I wrote a post a couple of months ago about fear of success vs fear of failure, as I seem to struggle with both, but this was more to do with the way I only seem to be able to see the most extreme outcome for any situation. For me, there is no middle ground. I had never really considered this until I started therapy, but it makes sense.

I have an innate tendency to immediately think the worst, and yes, this could well be part of the anxiety. Or maybe the anxiety is a side effect of my seemingly extreme personality. I don’t know.

During my session we talked about my thoughts on success and failure in relation to myself. I’ve said before that I class myself as a failure due to my PCOS but when challenged as to whether I would class other women with PCOS a ‘failure’ I said absolutely not. So why is it OK to class myself in such a negative way? Honest answer, I don’t know. I don’t seem to know much today! I realise it sounds harsh to say such things about myself, but perhaps because I’m quite a perfectionist I see the PCOS as a real stumbling block, something that is holding me back and not allowing me to achieve what I want. Or, maybe that’s all just an excuse. 

In terms of success, as I’ve mentioned in previous posts, I seem to be scared of succeeding and almost sabotage myself so as not to achieve what I want. Reading that sentence back I know how crazy it sounds. I think I just worry that there’s a chance if I do succeed at something I won’t be able to sustain it, or I’ll let someone down, and that starts off the whole ‘I can’t stand anyone being disappointed in me’. Does any of this make sense to you? 

This quote certainly makes sense to me. I hate the idea of being criticised/judged. I also hate the thought of disappointing anyone, which is why I always tie myself up in knots worrying about things that haven’t happened yet. It’s exhausting. 

So, I think it’s time for a change: 
This won’t be easy, breaking a well and truly developed habit, so I would really appreciate your support with this one. If I write something negative about myself feel free to give me a virtual slap and tell me to pull myself together! I actually appreciate a bit of ‘tough love’ every now and then. 

Completely cheesy and silly quote to end on. Hope it makes you smile!


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