Friday 18th July – tired, impatient & addicted

Thank god it’s Friday!

I am soooo tired and it’s starting to make me pretty fed up now. No matter what time I go to bed I wake up feeling as though I haven’t slept. I am really struggling at work as I feel like I have no energy, so I drink more caffeine, which I know isn’t the best way to deal with it but I can’t fall asleep at my desk! I’m going to see the doctor on Monday, so can feel a bit of a rant coming on! 

OK enough ranting (for now)!

I’ve got a few exciting posts coming up that I hope you’ll find informative and helpful. I never would have thought last year when I wrote my first few posts that I’d be invited to attend events and write about certain topics in a bid to help others. It’s something I am extremely grateful for and proud to be able to do. If writing these posts helps even one person understand the difficulties of PCOS and/or anxiety/depression, then it is more than worth it. 

One thing I really struggle with is my total lack of patience. I think I have quite an addictive personality (for want of a better phrase), so when I do things I want to do them straight away, I want instant answers on questions, that sort of thing. I know it probably sounds very childish, but it feels like an addiction that must be satisfied instantly or I start to feel on edge. 

Do you think this is true? 
If it is then, as usual, I’m probably my own worst enemy. I wrote a post a few months ago about self-sabotage, and the link with fear of failure vs fear of success. I think the impatience is possibly linked in to this. 
I haven’t really thought this through fully yet, but in the back of my very foggy head there seems to be something telling me I might just be right on this. 

So this quote sums up what brings me out in a cold sweat:

Patience? No
Settled? No
Not in control? I HAVE to be in control!! 

I do get the meaning of this, but it’s everything I’m bad at. How can you be happy not being in control? To me that just doesn’t make sense. Who doesn’t want to be in control? How do you do it? How do you actually consciously stop being in control of yourself? Is that what it means? 

Can someone please explain this to me as I am completely lost, and to be quite honest starting to feel a bit anxious! 

So, how do you ‘get’ what you’ve always wanted without turning in to a demented, impatient, control freak who can’t turn off? 

Answers on a postcard please!


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