So, things are a bit mixed in my head at the moment (nothing new there I hear you say! Agreed).

Training is going well with the lovely Chris. He’s pushing me more in each session, but I’m loving it. Food is still a struggle, and I think always will be. Whenever I am feeling even slightly fed up/anxious/upset/tired, all I want to do is eat stodge. I don’t really drink, I’ve never smoked, but food is my drug of choice. I never thought I had such a problem with it, until I started eating much more healthily last year. As dramatic as this probably sounds, it really is a daily battle to get it right. It would be too easy to just say ‘stuff this I’m having a pizza’. But I know how bad I would feel afterwards, physically in terms of bloated and sick, and majorly guilty and annoyed with myself for giving in. After all it’s only food right? Wrong. It’s some sort of ‘security blanket’, a constant that will always be there. How messed up does that sound! 

I am desperate to crack this as at the moment it feels like it’s starting to take over a little bit. The worst bit is that if I do eat something ‘bad’, I don’t even really enjoy it. So why do I do it? Habit? Self destruction? Boredom? I think it’s a little bit of each. I’ve worked too hard over the last year to go backwards now.