Monday 14th July – food demons, amongst others…

So, things are a bit mixed in my head at the moment (nothing new there I hear you say! Agreed).

Training is going well with the lovely Chris. He’s pushing me more in each session, but I’m loving it. Food is still a struggle, and I think always will be. Whenever I am feeling even slightly fed up/anxious/upset/tired, all I want to do is eat stodge. I don’t really drink, I’ve never smoked, but food is my drug of choice. I never thought I had such a problem with it, until I started eating much more healthily last year. As dramatic as this probably sounds, it really is a daily battle to get it right. It would be too easy to just say ‘stuff this I’m having a pizza’. But I know how bad I would feel afterwards, physically in terms of bloated and sick, and majorly guilty and annoyed with myself for giving in. After all it’s only food right? Wrong. It’s some sort of ‘security blanket’, a constant that will always be there. How messed up does that sound! 

I am desperate to crack this as at the moment it feels like it’s starting to take over a little bit. The worst bit is that if I do eat something ‘bad’, I don’t even really enjoy it. So why do I do it? Habit? Self destruction? Boredom? I think it’s a little bit of each. I’ve worked too hard over the last year to go backwards now. 

I think it’s time to set some new goals to get through this rough patch:

I would love to lose another 2 stone in total, even if it takes another year, I really want to hit that target.
I want to work up to lifting 10kg dumbbells. I’m currently on 7kg and still struggling.
I also want to work up to 150kg on the leg press. The heaviest so far is 130kg, and that was a while ago!
Finally, for now, get into a Size 12! I’m still in a Size 14.

So, I don’t think those goals are too extreme? I’m not going to set a date to reach them by just yet. I think writing them here is enough of an incentive for now!

Right, time to get back into the positive mindset, and stick with it! 

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