Tuesday 24th June – One day at a time

Hello out there lovely readers. I hope you are all well and making the most of the good weather. 

So, since I last wrote things have been a bit up and down, resulting in another anxiety attack for a couple of days last week. I can’t tell you how fed up I was with it. I also developed a new symptom – a feeling of what I can only describe as ‘inner prickliness all over’. It was horrible, especially when it coincided with the racing heart, lurching stomach, and total nausea. It probably lasted 2 days in terms of full on symptoms, and completely drained me. But towards the end of last week it started to settle. I have to say that I have really noticed the importance (for me) of having a routine. It really helps to calm me down.Maybe it’s the familiarity when so many other things feel up in the air, I don’t know. But it definitely helps. 

I have been back to see my GP and she wants me to stay on the medication (fluoxetine) for another 4 weeks. So more nausea and disturbed sleep for me, yay(!). It will probably take at least another couple of weeks before I even notice whether they are working for me. I just have to persevere.

So, you may have noticed from previous posts that I am an ‘all or nothing’ person. I don’t like to do anything at a slow pace and really struggle to relax. Since the anxiety kicked off, I haven’t really had much choice but to calm things down. It’s so unfamiliar to me, but I know that if I try and jump back in to doing everything at 100 miles an hour and thinking three weeks ahead, then I’m not going to start to feel more like the old me. It’s almost as if this is a lesson for me in how to do things at a ‘normal’ pace for once. Totally alien to me, and really hard work, but I’m willing to give anything a try at the moment. 

One thing I am struggling with is the tiredness. I feel totally wiped. I went to bed early last night and slept pretty well, but it’s only 11.30am and I could already go back to bed. I think it’s just an adjustment (another one) that I need to work through. As long as I don’t stop, I think I will be OK. 

So that’s where I’m up to at the moment. 

I’ve also been training and it was disgustingly sweaty but great fun! Having a patient and enthusiastic personal trainer, like Chris, really does make all the difference. 

Like I said above, this one day/step at a time is so tough for me, but I know (hope) it will be worth it when I come out of this ‘fog’ and back out into the sun. 

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