Hello everyone, I hope you are well and making the most of the good weather!
Apologising to you seems to be a recurring theme at the moment, but I am sorry for the rather extended break in posts. I’ve had a rather tough couple of weeks and just couldn’t face writing. In fact I struggled to do anything. This might all come out as a rather long ramble, so please bear with me.
I mentioned a few weeks ago that I was moving to a new apartment, and I was really looking forward to it. One of the main reasons I moved was due to an attempted break in at the old place. Someone tried to get in through the bedroom window while I was in bed. I woke up and caught them but it really shook me up. However, rather than dealing with it I decided the best thing to do was not talk about it and find somewhere else to live. I know that was completely the wrong thing to do, but at the time I think I was just in complete panic mode. I moved into the new place at the end of May and the first week was a whirlwind of unpacking and buying things. Everything seemed OK, if pretty hectic. I went back to work the following Monday and felt pretty tired. That night I started to feel really unwell, which turned in to what felt like a virus, but this was made worse by what seemed like a major anxiety attack. I basically spent the entire week crying, unable to eat or sleep apart from during the day, and with this huge weight hanging over me. I can’t really explain it other than to say I ‘just had a feeling’ that something wasn’t right, and the more I thought about it, the more anxious I became. My heart was constantly racing and my stomach was in knots, with what felt like the biggest collection of angry butterflies flying around at 100 miles an hour. I don’t want to sound dramatic, but it really was the worst week of my life.
Looking back now, I do think that on top of being totally run down and picking up a virus, which really did wipe me out, I did have a really bad anxiety attack. I’ve never experienced anything like it before and it honestly scared me. I ended up speaking to family and a couple of friends, who were very supportive. I also spoke to Chris about it at the gym. I even cried on him! Majorly embarrassing!! He straight away said I had to go and see my doctor and ask for some help. He was very good, as always, and listened to my totally mental ramble about everything. I felt much better after I’d spoken to him and went to see the doctor last week. She was extremely sympathetic about everything, very supportive. I told her I am already having CBT so she said the next best thing to do would be to try some medication to ensure I don’t have another anxiety attack like the other week. I have always been pretty anti medication for myself if I can help it, as I like to try and deal with any health issues as naturally as possible. But, there are times when I think a little bit of help is needed. We had a good chat about the medication and she prescribed fluoxetine. I take it once a day, at night. I’ve got to go back to see the doctor next week to see how I am adjusting to it. I’ll be honest, there’s been a fair bit of nausea and my tummy hasn’t felt great. Oh and my sleep is a bit messed up, but other than that, so far, I seem to be OK (touch wood!).
So, there’s a pretty honest update for you on what’s been happening. I wasn’t sure whether I should even mention it, but I know it’s important for me, and you reading this, to be open about all the ups and downs. Initially I didn’t want to tell anyone what had happened as I thought they’d just think I was being a total drama queen, but I’ve realised that opening up is the only way to sort these problems out. Plus, things don’t seem quite as bad once you’ve talked them through with someone else.