Monday 19th May – I’m back!

So, the last couple of weeks have been pretty rough, but I’ve made it out the other side. I’ve been on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster since I last posted and couldn’t really face writing anything as it would just have been depressing and no one needs to read that over and over! So instead I’ve taken some time out and sort of got my head together a little bit more. I’ve also been to see the doctor who has put me back on Dianette (the pill) to see if that will help improve my skin problems as I’m really suffering at the moment. It can take up to three months to see any sort of improvement, so I’m going to have to try and be patient….something I am terrible at!

I also had another CBT session last week. I’m really finding them useful (I think to say I’m enjoying them might sound a bit wrong?!), and am now so glad I asked the doctor to refer me for counselling. Being able to talk things through with someone objective is such a help, relief even. I go in feeling like I could burst with anxiety and frustration, and leave feeling as though I’ve let go of all the pressure and stress that has built up inside.

I’m currently in the process of moving so my posts might be a bit sporadic (again!) for the next week or so, but I will try and keep them more consistent. I hope that this is the start of a new, exciting, and extremely positive chapter in my life. That’s what I’m aiming for anyway.
I’m still training (hard!) and have recently moved up to 8kg on the free weights. I’m pretty impressed with that. I also pulled 110kg (just over 17 stone!) the other day. I have to say it’s a great feeling being able to lift, push or pull something that heavy, especially when this time last year I would struggle to lift 2 bags of shopping!
With everything that’s been going on I have fallen off the wagon a bit with the healthy eating, but I am getting back to basics with it now. I find it far too easy to slip back into old bad habits, especially as a form of ‘comfort’, but I know it’s only making me feel worse, so I owned up to Chris about it….Why am I so honest?! I got a bit of a ‘disappointed’ look, which I hate! However, I wanted to tell him what has been going on. I’m not using the fact I’ve had a tough couple of weeks to justify eating badly. I’m admitting that when things are beyond my control I struggle to not revert to doing so. I hate not being in control, yet ironically I let food control me. Hmm. Something I definitely need to work on.
So, thing have been up and down, but I’m still smiling. Life is too short to give in to the negativity. I might have slipped and headed down a bit of a dark path for a few weeks, but with the help of some very good people I’ve made it out the other side. I’m determined to stay here in the sunshine for the foreseeable.

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