I am so sick of having PCOS. I have had enough of feeling like this, and by this I mean tearful, tired, depressed, anxious, totally disappointed in my body, fed up with everything, angry, and in constant pain.
OK, so I know pretty much all of those symptoms can happen anyway to anyone, but they’re the ones I’m suffering with right now, the pain being the worst one. I used to get a lot of pain in my sides, which would radiate down to my groin and round to my back. It would be there when I sat still, when I moved, always. But it’s not happened for so long, so I got a bit smug and thought things were getting better. Well it’s made a bitch of a dramatic return and has totally floored me. I’ve also got an extremely embarrassing shooting pain in places I don’t want to mention, and I am just beyond done with it. I’m sick of ‘being positive’ and being told I’m ‘doing so well’. NO, I’m not. I am really, really not doing well.
I feel like I’ve taken about 20 steps backwards since starting everything, and I am so disappointed in myself right now. I feel selfish for wanting to just be ‘normal’, whatever that is. I know that in reality I am very lucky compared to a lot of people, but for once I just want to say that I don’t feel lucky. Yes, I probably sound like I’m being totally self indulgent and feeling sorry for myself, but I honestly don’t care right now. I would just like something to go right and be easy for me. Everything always feels like such hard work. I am so tired of always having to fight and then never getting anywhere. In fact I am just tired. I just want to go to sleep and wake up when everything is sorted. I know how childish that sounds, but it’s how I feel so please don’t judge me for it.
I think we all know the answer to this one for me.