Thursday 1st May – Lacking in everything positive

I am truly sorry for the massive break in posts. I’ve not had the best time over the last week and writing how I felt was the last thing on my very messed up mind. 

To be totally honest I feel pretty anxious and unsure at the moment. There are circumstances, but I’m not really up for going into details tonight. Safe to say that this control freak is feel very ‘controlless’ right now, and really does not like it. 

Not sure I’ll ever agree with this quote, but I am trying to understand it. 

I feel like I’m in a sort of state of flux at the moment, very unsettled and not sure where to start with addressing it. I know I said I had pledged to try and be ‘mindful’, but I don’t seem to have the patience for anything right now. My attention span has disappeared, I’m constantly tired and have absolutely no motivation to do anything. I just want to sleep, but that’s the one thing I’m really struggling with. All a bit of a mess. 

The one thing I am managing to do is put on the ‘happy face’, as it’s what everyone expects, and it’s actually easier to do that than deal with whatever is going on in my head. It seems less tiring to do that and I’m well practiced at it so it comes easily enough. Maybe I should have been an actress! 

So that’s where I’m up to: anxious, low, tired, feeling out of control and completely lacking in motivation and mojo. I get the feeling the next week or so might be tough going, but I will try my best to see the positives in anything and everything, and work towards getting my sparkle back. 


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