Monday 14th October – my head is in need of repair

So it would seem my head is a little bit broken.

I really hope the above quote is true. At the moment I am struggling. I don’t know whether ’embrace’ is the right word, but I am certainly aware that things aren’t going too well, but rather than just sticking my head in the sand, I have asked for help. Chris has been a great help, very easy to talk to and 100% supportive. It makes a huge difference having people to talk to. I know I am one of the worst offenders when it comes to talking about how I am feeling, but I have realised that bottling things up is not the answer. Simple I know, but I am awful at following my own advice! 

So I am going to be referred for some counselling/CBT, but there is a bit of a waiting list. In the meantime the doctor has recommended some websites that provide online CBT. I’ll be honest, I find some of it a little patronising, but I am determined to give this my full attention and have as open a mind as possible, because I can’t carry on as I am. 

I filled in one of the online quizzes, and it was scary how accurate it was in relation to my main ‘issues’. They are: need for approval (massive issue!), need for perfection and need to succeed. I’m not sure how I am meant to deal with these issues, but I will keep working through the online workbook until I am sent an appointment to talk to someone. I will also work on talking to friends about how I am feeling as I know it’s wrong to keep it to myself. It’s just so much easier to help other people. 

For now though I think just opening up here is a step in the right direction, so I hope you appreciate the honesty! And any support will be more than gratefully accepted. 

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