Day off today and spent it somewhere I’ve avoided for the last 4 weeks, the cinema. I love going to watch films, but this always previously involved some sort of bad treats, such as ice cream, chocolate or popcorn. To be honest I’d just eat it without realising what I was doing, never really enjoy it, then feel bad afterwards. Well, not any more! I went for lunch first with a friend and had chicken and salad, while she had pasta and chips. I won’t lie, the chips looked good! But how good does this look:
I took my own snacks to the cinema, some nuts! How exciting!! Once I was in the cinema I didn’t actually miss the sweets or ice cream. It really is just a mental addiction that you have to overcome.
Food today: egg white omelette for breakfast, roast chicken and salad for lunch, ham and cheese omelette for dinner, strawberries
So, the mental side of this is definitely the worst part. What I mean is I have had a real issue over my self worth for a long time, and I’ve used it as a reason/excuse not to stick to a diet. I’ve never really felt worthy of a lot of things. I don’t write that for sympathy. It’s something I’ve only really admitted to myself very recently, and it’s not a nice thing to voice. If I’m really honest I think it’s why I’ve not done things, such as getting out of a previous relationship sooner, standing up to people who have put me down, and applying for other jobs (although I love my current one!). I’ve also had it in my head that people will treat me differently when I do get rid of the weight (I said when rather than if!), so I used that as another justification for never sticking to a healthy eating plan before.
I’m finally starting to learn that the only way to feel worthy is to make changes that will help me feel better about myself.