Friday 5th July

I do not remember going to sleep last night! First time all week. But I was so tired when my alarm went off. Had to hit the caffeine when I got to work but it’s meant to be black and no sugar. Don’t tell Chris but there might have been a drop of milk and one sugar…!

Food today: same omelette, ham and boiled eggs with salad for lunch, steak with corn and broccoli for dinner, which was amazing! Snacks were apple, carrot sticks and some grapes.

I got an email from Chris this afternoon that sent my mental head into a total spin. He asked me if I’d ever written a blog so I thought he wanted some help with one, or something similar. That would have been easy! Instead he made me an offer, which really does seem too good to be true, and terrified me at the same time. He said he wanted:’a Guinea Pig (so to speak), to give nutrition info to and to train, for free, who would then blog about it, writing, even video logs etc showing the start of their journey right through to the end, so I thought of you first seeing as I’m already helping you with one aspect of it, the other side of it being of course, that I’d have to train that person (you) every week for 12 weeks.’

How amazing is that offer! This is probably the best time to list some of my insecurities and fears that have stopped me so far. I have real issues with failure, as in it’s not an option, so if there’s something I know I’m going to fail at I’ll avoid it as much as possible, and fill my time with things I know I’ll do well at such as courses at work and taking on extra work. I’ve also got it into my head that people will treat me differently when I lose weight, which I have a real issue with, so that’s always in the back of my mind too. It’s a mixture of stubbornness and fear, but I know it sounds like a cop out. 

I’m also terrified of making an idiot of myself. I don’t need any help with that, I’m pretty good doing it by myself! I also don’t want people to know what I’m doing in case it doesn’t work out. Of course I know what Chris’ answer to that will be as he already said it in one of his really positive responses to my word vomit: ‘With my help, failing simply doesn’t happen Clare’. He then went on to say: ‘I will help you regardless of anything…Take it out of your head that this isn’t going to work, this Clare, is where it ALL CHANGES’ 

So how can I doubt him? 


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